Andrew Sobel

Holiday weekends like the Fourth of July are often occasions to spend time with family and friends, and to take a break from our hectic schedules. Relationships–whether personal ones or professional ones with colleagues and clients, fall into the “Important but not Urgent” quadrant of Stephen Covey’s time management matrix. He maintains that we spend most of our time on the urgent things–whether or not they are important–and little time on those long-term developmental activities that have an important but indeterminate future payoff. The result: Building our relationships often takes second place to writing that urgently-required proposal that’s due on Monday.

In the recent issue of Harvard Business Review, author and academic Clayton Christensen wrote an fascinating article called “How Will You Measure Your Life?” He writes, “Your decisions about allocating your personal time, energy, and talent ultimately shape your life’s strategy.” He further says, “When people who have a high need for achievement…have an extra half hour of time, or an extra ounce of energy, they unconsciously allocate it to activities that yield the most tangible accomplishments. And our careers provide the most concrete evidence that we’re moving forward…In contrast, investing time with your spouse and children doesn’t yield the same immediate sense of achievement.” He concludes, “People who are driven to excel have this unconscious propensity to underinvest in their families and overinvest in their careers–even though intimate and loving relationships with their families are the most powerful and enduring source of happiness.” (see his full article)

For those of you who like to quantify things, a recently study,  spanning decades, “revealed that friendships in high school were a strong predictor of increased wages in adulthood — to the tune of 2% per person who considered you a close friend. In other words, if in high school three people listed you as one of their closest same-sex friends, your earnings in adulthood would be 6% higher” (from a blog by consultant Peter Bregman).

So how do you balance the crushing demands of work with the need to invest in your long-term relationships (personal or professional)? As Covey exhorts, put the big rocks first into the jar, and then the sand. When you plan out your week–or your month–put some important relationship building activities into your personal and business calendars: Dinner out with your spouse or an event with a child; a visit with an elderly parent or relative; some calls you’re going to make to a few old clients you haven’t spoken to in years; and so on.

With only minor additions, the original model for client advisor attributes–which I set out in Clients for Life 10 years ago–has held up remarkably well. I have taught this framework to tens of thousands of professionals, and it is incorporated into the training curricula of many large professional service firms. Here a brief summary of what it takes to become a client advisor:

The foundation is a shift from the “Expert” mindset to the “Advisor” mindset. Being an expert in your field is very important, and having expertise is essential to get in the door and do a good job serving your client. But the expert mindset is a barrier to becoming an advisor. “In the beginner’s mind, there are many possibilities,” wrote Shunryo Suzuki, “but in the expert’s there are few.” I’ll illustrate the advisor attributes by contrasting the expert with the advisor. I’ve seen this comparison appear in many places in the last few years, but it was published for the first time in Clients for Life in 2000 (that’s my way of saying I am flattered at how well the concept has resonated with other writers!):

The Client Advisor Attributes:

1. Empathy: experts tell; advisors ask great questions and listen
2. Selfless Independence: experts are for hire; advisors balance dedication with detachment and objectivity
3. “Deep Generalist”: experts are narrow specialists; advisors have both knowledge depth and knowledge breadth
4. Synthesis or Big Picture Thinking: experts analyze; advisors analyze and synthesize
5. Judgment: experts made decisions based on the facts; advisors incorporate their own and their client’s values and beliefs–and the client’s organizational capabilities–into the calculus of judgment
6. Conviction: experts are demonstrate credibility when they speak; advisors resonate with belief and energy when they communicate their recommendations
7. Trust: experts develop professional trust; advisors also build deep personal trust based on their integrity (reliability, consistency, honesty, discretion) and competence and through mutual familiarity with the client.

There is an additional factor I discuss in my newest book, All for One, which I also find is essential–I call it becoming an Agenda Setter: Experts react to their clients’ agendas, whereas advisors help to shape and influence and improve them. Nowadays, it’s the difference between being stuck responding to competitive RFPs all the time and being able to generate sole-sourced demand. More on this in a later blog.

A senior executive presented to a group of my clients at a recent program I ran in London. Here is some of his advice, which I have only slightly paraphrased:

About being a trusted advisor:

• “I’m often asked hypothetical questions. I need someone to answer them for me – IT COULD BE YOU….”
• “If you’re reliably delivering your core services to me, and managing your product colleagues, I will call you more often.”
• “I know you have loyalty to your employer, but that should never stop you from delivering impartial advice to me”
• “When we are doing a complex transaction and other service providers are involved, I expect you to do everything possible to make things go smoothly”
• “Remember that it takes a number of years to develop a track record. Your relationship-building efforts today probably won’t help your bonus this year or even possibly next year.

Some “Don’ts”:

• “Don’t push a service or product capability that you don’t completely trust”
• “Don’t let your product or functional experts present something to me that you haven’t seen and reviewed”
• “Don’t involve me in points-scoring with your competitors”
• “Don’t invite me to a sporting event unless you know me extremely well…it’s a long day”
• “Don’t forget you are a service provider and that I expect to be treated like a client”
• “Don’t ever promise and then not deliver. Your credibility is like your virginity: You can only lose it once, and you can never get it back.”

Some “Do’s”

• “Stay up to date on my business. Know what’s going on.”
• “Me with me on a regular basis. It doesn’t have to be lunch. We accept coffee.”
• “Be realistic about how much of my total business you can earn. I have other firms I deal with, and I have many different reasons for how I apportion business.”
• “Put you ‘brag-pack’ in the appendix. Citing some well-known deal or project you worked on for a well-known client several years ago is not interesting to me. Examples of other client work must be relevant to me and my business challenges.”

• I know your first loyalty is to your employer, but that  shouldn’t stop you giving me impartial advice on the right solution.

• In a multibank deal,  I expect you to co-operate and use your influence to get my deal done.

Earlier this week I moderated a panel of client executives who are very experienced users of external service providers. It’s part of a two-day program I run for a client of mine called the Client Advisor Program, which is attended by their most senior relationship managers. Here are some highlights of what they said:

About agreeing to meet with a new provider:

• “Demonstrate that what you have to share with me aligns with one of my key goals”
• “You must have great references from existing clients that I know and respect–otherwise I probably won’t make time in my schedule”

About First Meetings and Sales Pitches:

• “Don’t pump yourself up and tell me how great you and your company are–it only makes me suspicious”
• “Ask me, ‘What would you like to learn about our firm?’ rather than diving into a long description of you and your company”
• “Make it interactive. The slides for a proposal presentation should be a leave-behind, not the main focus of the discussion. As soon as you see the client getting distracted or checking their blackberry, shift gears immediately and change the pace–you’ve lost us!”
• “Don’t tell me, show me” (e.g., show me your facilities, introduce me to other large clients of yours)

About Adding Value:

• “Go above and beyond the letter of the contract. Try to make us better”
• “Tell me things I don’t already know. Add to my knowledge base.”
• “If there’s a problem, take the attitude, ‘How can we fix this?’–don’t get technical about things or refer to our contractual arrangements.”

Pet Peeves–”Don’t do this!”

• “Don’t show up unannounced. I’ve had people fly into town, show up and say, ‘let’s have lunch.’ Are you kidding?”
• “Never delay sharing with us something that isn’t going right. Tell us any bad news immediately.”
• “Don’t have your CEO call us–for the very first time–when a large proposal is in the balance! It’s not going to help if this is his or her first attempt to communicate with us.”
• “If you lose a proposal to a competitor, don’t whine to us and complain. There were good reasons why you didn’t get it!”

Finally–what tips a relationship over to “Trusted Partner” from “Vendor”?  One of the big factors: “Going through a crisis together is often the catalyst to move the relationship to another level. It becomes an important shared experience, a kind of trial by fire together. Plus, when someone is under stress, their true colors show.”

This week, Goldman Sachs was dealt a twin blow: It was revealed that one of its directors, Rajat Gupta, is being investigated in relation to the alleged Galleon hedge fund fraud, and the firm itself is now under investigation by the SEC for alleged subprime mortgage securities fraud. According to the Wall Street Journal, Goldman “was charged with deceiving clients by selling them mortgage securities secretly designed by a hedge-fund firm run by John Paulson, who made a killing betting on the housing market’s collapse.” On Friday, its stock shed $12 billion in market value. The firm vigorously denies the charges.

In my recent book, All for One, I contrast the stories of IBM and Goldman Sachs. When Lou Gerstner became IBM’s CEO in 1993, he took the helm of an iconic American company that had become internally focused and lost its way.  Gerstner oversaw a dramatic shift in the strategy and culture of the company, instilling a client-centered, collaborative ethos throughout its ranks. IBM has subsequently thrived, and today it is a leader in using collaborative technologies to connect employees with each other and with clients. Goldman Sachs, in contrast, had always cultivated and reinforced a culture of collaboration.  Its compelling value proposition—tremendous financial rewards combined with a teamwork environment—was the glue that drew people to the firm and kept them there. In recent years, however, Goldman has focused more and more of its best people and resources on trading for its own account. In fact, in 2006, when it had a record year and paid many traders and bankers sums in excess of $25 million each, it derived 70% of its revenue and profits from its “Trading” revenue category, which is trading and M&A activity conducted on its own behalf. In his book, The Accidental Investment Banker, Jonathan Knee—who worked at both Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs—puts it this way:

“My experience…made me realize why my romanticized notion of being an old-fashioned relationship banker was so unrealistic. …The insurmountable problem…was that the fundamental premise of relationship banking was that the banker could deliver the firm for the client…There were simply too many other clients, too many other products, too many other external and internal constituencies.”

IBM, in short, emerged from its crisis by refocusing on the market and using collaboration to better serve its clients. Goldman Sachs’ fabled teamwork and collaboration, in contrast—or so it appears—has gradually been channeled more towards creating profits directly for the partnership.

Goldman’s partners are pretty smart. Does this mean that it no longer pays to always put your clients’ interests first? Or is this a peculiarity of the financial markets—that trading for yourself will always be more profitable than serving external clients?

For most of of us, there’s no question but that putting clients’ interests first is still the right thing to do the vast majority of the time.

In my first book , Clients for Life, one of the seven essential attributes of trusted client advisors is Conviction. Sir Win Bischoff, currently the Chairman of Lloyds Banking Group in London (and former Citigroup CEO and Chairman) told me years ago, “If you want to have an impact as an advisor, you have to have conviction. The authoritative delivery of a judgment is absolutely key.”

William Faulkner put it slightly differently, writing: “I have found that the greatest help in meeting any problem with decency and self-respect and whatever courage is demanded, is to know where you yourself stand. That is, to have in words what you believe and are acting.”

This weekend I watched a documentary on the German minister and theologian Dietrich Bonheoffer. A brilliant young clergyman from a wealthy family, he opposed Hitler from the day he was elected Chancellor in 1933. Believing that Hitler was evil and must be opposed, Bonheoffer stood alone (initially) among German clergy in speaking out against the Nazis.

As most German institutions caved into the Nazis’ iron fist and threats of violence and death, Bonheoffer organized other pastors and created the “confessing church” as a movement to oppose the Nazi-controlled German Christian church. He actively spoke out against the persecution of Jews. Eventually, he became a participant in the German Intelligence Office’s plot to kill Hitler. In 1938, safe and sound in New York where he had traveled at the invitation of the Union Theological Seminary, he abruptly decided to return to Germany, writing, “I will have no right to participate in the reconstruction of Christian life in Germany after the war if I do not share the trials of this time with my people.” In 1944 his involvement in the plot to depose Hitler was discovered by the Nazis, and he was imprisoned and tortured. In April 1945 he was hanged, only months before the end of the War. The camp doctor who was present at his execution wrote: “I saw Pastor Bonheoffer … kneeling on the floor praying fervently to God. I was most deeply moved by the way this lovable man prayed, so devout and so certain that God heard his prayer. At the place of execution, he again said a short prayer and then climbed the few steps to the gallows, brave and composed.” (see Wikipedia)

We may not have the extraordinary type of conviction that Dietrich Bonheoffer exemplified. But what about day-to-day conviction in our professional lives and with our clients? The willingness to say no, to turn down inappropriate but lucrative work, to give our client a tough message? To resonate with belief when we speak to others?

It is commonly accepted wisdom that we must understand and meet client expectations in order to forge good relationships. This is true but it’s not the whole truth by any means. Consider these points:

• Sometimes, the things a client most values from a relationship–such as personal counsel that takes place out-of-hours, or help in managing their relationship with their boss–are neither benefits the client asked for nor that you promised!
• Often, clients say they know what they want but in truth their “expectations” get shaped and forged over time as you work together. Their expectations halfway through a project may be somewhat different from what they were at the outset.

To re-state this another way: Clients often have hidden or unarticulated expectations.

Apple’s Steve Jobs doesn’t believe in consumer research. That’s because consumers cannot articulate a product concept like the iPod. We are too bound up in our assumptions about today’s world to come up with these kinds of ideas. Similarly, clients are too bound up in their immediate goals and objectives to be able to articulate something that goes above and beyond. If you ask your client, “What would really blow your socks off?” , it’s unlikely you’d get a very actionable answer (well,  you might, but I doubt it). The better way to think about it is, “What new, different, or creative approach can I take towards helping my client achieve their goals?” You can also think about this as adding core value (immediate, articulated client expectations), surprise value (solving problems the client didn’t know they had or didn’t think you could fix), and personal value (helping the client on a more personal or career level).

Feeding Birds in Winter Snow

The technology of mass customization promised to allow highly personalized offerings to be delivered to each of us. Somehow, though, it doesn’t feel like that. When an obviously mass-email says, “Andrew, have a look at…” it doesn’t feel all that personal, even though they have used my name.

If you’re going to send anything that is a physical object to a client–an article, a card, whatever–personalize it. Even if you are sending it to 300 people, add a personal note or touch. Otherwise it will lose much of its impact. E-newsletters and E-zines are different–people understand that this digital medium is different.

Recently, my wife bought a book on Zen from one of the Amazon Marketplace vendors, which are often run by individuals. I thought the receipt contained in the box was truly endearing and personal: See the image of it, below:

“Do you hear the sound of one book shipping?

Tiger gave a news conference yesterday to apologize to a group of his friends and the public for his serial affairs and unfaithfulness. One article commented that it sounded wooden and not very heartfelt, but I have no doubt it was sincere and that he feels simply awful about what he did and about the devastation it has wreaked on his family and his career. There are a lot of lessons about relationships in this Greek tragedy. Here are just a few of them:

1. When you let the success you achieve go to your head, the result is not good at all. Arrogance, or thinking you’re above everyone else, is unpleasant–even detestable–whereas that unusual combination of humility and achievement is wonderfully appealing to others. I think that’s why people as diverse as Nelson Mandela, the Dali Lama, Paul McCartney, and Paul Newman are/were so likable (McCartney, despite being the world’s richest pop star, sent his kids to public schools and often flies on commercial airlines. Newman stayed married to the same woman for his whole life, and never indulged in the material excesses of Hollywood).
2. Trust is based on transparency, on knowing that “what you see is what you get.” Part of Tiger’s image was not just as a great athlete but as someone who was clean-cut–almost boy-scoutish– and who had high integrity. Now that all seems like a lie. The revulsion over former NY governor Spitzer’s escapades with prostitutes is another good example of this, as is the anti-gay-crusading Colorado minister who was caught in an affair with a male prostitute.
3. It takes a long time to build trust, and a millisecond to lose it. One lie can thoroughly undermine a hundred truths.
4. There is one set of standards for how you behave with others, not multiple tiers depending on your wealth or fame. Being successful isn’t an excuse or a license to snub others, take advantage of them, and so on. Yet this happens all the time. I was appalled to read, for example, about the young college student  (about 20 years old) who said she had been one of many women who had had an affair with talk show host David Letterman (around 60!). On a lesser note, I have occasionally written or emailed other authors–who were certainly not grossly more successful than I have been as a writer–who did not deign to even respond. “Please–stop believing your own BS and act civilly!” I wanted to shout at them.

Engine Company 14 in the Village, NYC

The enemy of the successful professional is complacency.

You make good money, have some loyal clients, and overall are doing very well for yourself. Undoubtedly you work extremely hard. But as likely as not, you’re working hard doing more of the same each year. Over time, you may start to take a client for granted–you do a good job, but not a terribly creative job. It can happen to the best professionals.You are playing the same tune over and over again.

One of the hallmarks of the Beatles’ evolution was their constant pushing and striving. They were not content to sing  “I Want to Hold Your Hand” over and over again. Each album (and they made two a year from 1962-1969!) represented a significant departure from the previous one, while retaining the great melodies, beat, and harmonies that drew so many to their music. When Rubber Soul 1965 came out it was a vastly different sound from Please Please Me or A Hard Day’s Night. Sgt. Peppers then took their music to yet another level. And so on. George Martin, their producer, says in an interview that “They were always pushing, they nearly exhausted me. They would say, ‘Can we try a different key, what about this new instrument, can you do something to my voice on this song?.’” Yes, they had extraordinary innate talent as song writers, but without that striving and ambition they would have simply been a superstar rock group instead of arguably the best and most successful in history, a group whose impact extended out from pop music to art and culture at large. (see my three part article on the Beatles Principles (part 1, part 2, part 3).

You have to push yourself, no one will do it for you. What new expertise are you going to develop this year? What old expertise are you going to deepen or write about? What personal interests are you going to rekindle or start up from scratch? Can you try something entirely new with a client who knows you well? Have you thought about perhaps moving to a new role in your organization?

Two New York City snow scenes: 2010 and 1973, during my freshman year in college: